my letter to you.

dear god.

i love you. i really, truly do. you have been an important part of my life and i don't know where i would be without you. i'm so grateful for the blessings you've given me and the people you've put into my life. i love the gospel and all the experiences that i've had because i am a member of it. you know me better than i know myself, so you already know the things i'm about to tell you. but i want to share them with you anyways. and because i know you love me, i know you'll listen to them and understand.

i'm having a hard time. you and i are the only ones that know why i feel the way i do right now. i miss the simple life i used to have and i'd do anything to get that back. but i know its a trial. and its hard. i feel so alone right now and i feel like nobody is here to comfort me. i've been trampled on, led on, and kicked to the side. i need new people in my life right now. i need to meet new people. or maybe i just need a new perspective. i really just don't know. i'm so easily annoyed and i want reassurance that everything is going to be okay.

i want out. i want out of my house and away from my family. nobody wants to see me home in my rearview as much as i do. i love my family, don't get me wrong, but i need to grow on my own now. i need to enjoy my life without being held back by rules set for me when i was twelve or the excessive rules. i want to be free. i want to know what its like to be me. but i can't do that anymore. i could have done it, but then that letter changed everything. now i have to stay. i can't see my home behind me like i had previously hoped. don't get me wrong, the letter wass a complete blessing and probably will be for the rest of my life. it just wasn't what i had hoped for. just please promise to help me through it all. i know everything is going to be okay. i trust you.

lastly, bring brookie home safe. syd and i miss her dearly and her trip has caused us to go a little crazy. we hope she's having lots of fun and we can't wait to see her. keep her happy, healthy, and safe.

i love you so much. thank you for everything.

love,
me.